Take heed…
1. Asking for a need to be met may enrage someone so much, they’ll try to destroy you. Be careful.
2. The ones most invested in your smallness, or even demise, are the ones most likely to tell you there’s something wrong with you (sometimes, as in multigenerational families, this may even be a lifelong tactic used by someone who may have abused you before you were old enough to realize what was going on… they’ll never admit it, but they’ll do everything they can to keep you at bay, and deny any aid to you, because they know that the truth of the dynamic will come out in real-time).
3. The people who have been taking advantage of you, or neglecting your needs, for the longest time, will be the most vicious when you express either a need, or a success.
Things can get weird as time goes on in relationships, and long-term and lifetime relationships can have many fluctuations, phases, and suffer from many levels of abuse and deception. Of course, people can change for the better as much for the worse! So, how do you know? If you go back to your earliest memories of this person, you can see the seed of the tree. How did this person treat you way back when? When you were a child? Did they respond to your cries, or ignore you? If they responded, was it positively or negatively? Have you brought up your needs with this person before and how did they respond? NOT what did they say… but did they respond? Were they present with you, or impatient? Did they go out of their way to help, or did it feel like they were trying to get away with the bare minimum? Are there any third-party reports of care, or on the other hand, slander behind your back? All of those are clues.
People can say anything they want to. Lies, projections, accusations, shaming, and even meta-inversions of those are common. People will try to shame you by accusing you of being blameful… instead of working through it with you. This is a very powerful clue that they have even worse blame and shame issues than you do! Remember, the universe projects to us what we have to deal with. So, if YOU approach someone ELSE asking for help with problems A, B, or C, remember, YOU are their projection!!! YOU may be the great messenger from the universe, to THEM. At the same time as you genuinely asking for help, in their world, you could represent anything from a chance to help someone, to a mirror of their own issues that they are in denial about. The fact that YOU acknowledge your needs actually makes you more advanced in your healing than they are. This works both ways. If someone approaches you for help, the way you respond is about YOU. And if you approach someone for help, the way they respond is about THEM. Very simple. Works both ways.
People will try to blame you for things that they should have responded to. The ones invested in your downfall may be the ones who you have been running to, in delusion. They may even accuse you of being delusional! That has happened to me. It’s funny, because I was delusional… to expect assistance from someone who has gone to great pains to never offer effective assistance.
You can always know who is actually loyal to you. All you have to do is go into your memories. There are a few, maybe 2 or 3 or 5, probably crises from which you could not escape. Pay attention to who was there by your side. Who never left you in your darkest hour, and didn’t hurt you? Who let you cry without judging? Who never left?
Many will try to smack you down for asking for help. Everyone says, “ask for help” but what they don’t say is that the door will be slammed in your face, with the most horrible attempts to continue to reject your needs, that you may even consider whether it’s worth it to stay alive. You’ll be afraid that if you ask for help now that you’re thinking about suicide, you’ll be even more desperate, and will surely die.
They’ll say, “you need help” when they could have been that help.
They’ll tell you you’re sick in the head, and that you need serious intervention.
But what YOU need to know is that perhaps by you asking them for help, you opened up their own wounds, their own knowledge that they’re the ones who really need help… if they can’t offer a few minutes of sacred space, a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to listen without getting interventionist and controlling and judgmental, it is very clear that they are the ones that “need the help.”
Sometimes, it is merely the act of asking for help that shows you that you are stronger than you think.
Asking puts you in a very vulnerable position. It allows the person being asked, to say yes or no. It allows them to show themselves, and who they really are, and how they really treat people who are at their lowest, or at least a very low point.
Let them show that to you. You may be the only one strong enough to allow them to release all of that pain.
But don’t accept it. Give it back. Let them know how disappointing it is that they could not even offer a hug and a smile.
And know that you are whole,
perfect as you are,
and you are the source of infinite compassion.
And if someone doesn’t want to share,
you have all of the love you need right inside.
The tests on the road to self-love are much harder than anyone can ever tell you, but there’s no way except forward. I’m doing my best, and these are lessons hard-learned by unexpected events and twists and turns… but if I look back, I could have predicted it from the very beginning.
People will show you who they are. Pay attention, and act accordingly. When you realize you read the situation wrong, cut your losses, protect yourself, and re-direct.
Know that a person who denies you presence and hug is not going to be the one making proper judgment calls on you.
They’ll say all sorts of things that will try to get you to think you’re “delusional,” “insane,” “fucked up,” “in serious need of help,” or whatever else. The thing is, they WANT you to play that role for them, so they don’t have to face their own issues.
Accept that although you asked for your own needs, in terms of the other person’s universe, you are merely a messenger.
It’s like this: if someone came to you and asked for help, your response would say more about you, than the person in need.
When you’re the one in need, it may not seem that clear to you but the truth remains: someone’s reaction to your need is about THEM, not you. Don’t let their inability to help you harm your own self-image. You’re the strong one. And know that you asking for help, may be the help that that someone else needs. We may never understand the Divine Plan. “Only God knows,” whatever your religion is. Stay close to your heart. You know who you are. Stick with the people who have shown you they care. It’s not without risk, but it’s the only way.
Let the patterns be your guide.
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